I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
