aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
How does one acquire holy water?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
