he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
