i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
