He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
