you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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