Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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