don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
