This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
