I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
