I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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