Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
