call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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