Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
