why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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