does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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