Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize
