my room smells like sperm. sweet.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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