It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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