Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
