maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
