The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
