Umm I'm too high to move.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
