Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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