You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
