He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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