I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Can I color on your dick again?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
