you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
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