He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
