I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
