i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
