This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
