Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
