You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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