This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
