yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
