if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
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