Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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