Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
