she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
barbara walters just said penis...
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
