Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
