she woke up with a sticky ear
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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