Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
