or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
