glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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