I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
