I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
