Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
