Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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