hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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