this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
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