similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
